Thursday, April 1, 2010


"She dances among the shadows, using that as her disguise, to strike at those who would harm others"...

That, my dear friends, was the beginning to a character sketch I started. ShadowDancer was an originally title for one of my fave movies..Shadows In The Sun.. and a nickname I used for a character I created... seems to have taken on a whole other meaning for me. How little did I realize that the nickname doesn't stand for a kick ass super heroine, but a scared woman who is afraid to step out of the shadows and show herself to the world.

I am that woman. The one who sits at Weight Watchers meetings and feels the inspiration, but has that little voice still inside whispering. "You're just setting yourself up for another epic fail, girl! What the hell are you doing here..go back to the shadows where you're comfortable..where you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, including yourself." Why is it we do this to ourselves, live so very long with all of these negatives thoughts and emotions and when we find a way to change them..we find ways to cling to our comfort zone...hmmm..*thinks*

I am going to ask a favor...I would love to know what helped you overcome these nasty little doubts that kept punching tiny little holes in any bit of positivity you find...what helped to begin to bury them..all comments and suggestions are welcome...

Love and Rockets

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are... vewy vewy quiet..I am hunting skinny chics. Can you hear her? She's screaming to be heard, but that fat she's one major bully and overly pushy about getting her way. Okay, maybe not so much hunting the skinny chic as I am the healthy one hiding somewhere around here. I just can't seem to find her. Which sucks for me, that means I have to wade through a load of crap to find her. Or a load of poundage..brought to you kindly by a load of crap throughout time! I have been reading Secrets of a Former Fat Girl...very interesting stuff indeed. I am not too far into it, but some of the most interesting things have been about hiding, which if you ask me is a catch twenty two of sorts. Or, you may not ask me, but I am going to share my thoughts with you anyhow..xD Ah, yes...the pounds have been packed on to hide me from a cruel world. I am not one to believe in blaming my past for everything that goes wrong in my life..I make my own decisions and choices, but your past does shape who you are to some extent. So my hiding started a long time ago..with a few deep secrets only a few know about. I may, in time, come to share more of this when I become more comfortable with my journey. Now, here's the catch, by hiding behind the food have I not made myself more noticeable? You know what I mean..the stares, the spoken, and unspoken words. How about the.."you'd be so much prettier if you just lost the weight". BITE ME!!..*smiles angelically* since when is beauty only an outer thing..oh yeah..I forgot...the society we now live in. So I look to my Brookie Cookie, who has lost 100 lbs with Weight Watchers..congrats are always beautiful to me! And I look to find my motivations...but oh my!! Where has it gone! I have all the right reasons in place...all the right inspirations and motivaters...but for the love of all things great and small...preferably smaller at some point, thank do you keep your poor heart and mind in the zone! How do you come out of hiding and face...well...yourself?

Love and Rockets